YOU DEMAND, WE SUPPLY

I try to get the word out.

Having just mass-mailed a newsletter with no subject line and committed whatever passes for a faux pas in the horrid twilit dork-a-verse that is "Facebook," I cannot but eagerly anticipate what will go wrong with this fuckin' blog posting. Perhaps I will inadvertantly include my social security number? Perhaps I will CC my employer?

Anyway, to the crux:
ASHER is back at the Iron Rail, giving massages!

Today, Sunday, 3-7 p.m.!

Now, I try not to objectify allies, but rest assured, were you to find Asher merely TWENTY PERCENT as charming as does the average person, you would still be more charmed by him than first-time parents are by their newborn.

I say 'newborn' for purposes of analogy, but make no mistake: Asher's hands are unambiguously full-grown. They are the hands of a great sculptor, or perhaps a symphony conducter who splits his own cordwood: the hands of a do-er, a master craftsperson, a kinaesthetic shaper of better destinies.

And folks, it is THOSE EXTRAORDINARY HANDS, those same heaven-infused, sinewed extremities which Asher will deploy to sculpt YOUR VERY FLESH, working out stresses that might date back months, even years... tension you've been carrying for a decade, unawares! This is your chance. He's got the goods; let him heal you.

Asher is a certified, professional masseuse who is generously donating his skills to help raise funds for our ambitious but impoverished littleinfoshop/spa. He's got a chair and everything. Pay what you can, but do not miss out on this...

Ice Castles

"Ice Castles"
Patricia Prieur Plauche-Perriman


I must say I'd never considered getting one of these hairstyles myself before, but have long admired the immensely complex, cathedral like structures that adorn the heads of our servants, cashiers, and kitchen staff! While in the company of my peers I pretended to share in their derision of these splendorous creations, I secretly had the utmost admiration for them, bordering upon lust! When I discovered our local Moler Beauty College has begun offering a whole line of at-home kits, well, I simply could not pass it by. There were several which had many fascinating qualities, most notably the majestic splendor of "#19 Chartres," the tidal, pacific magnificence of "#12 Hawaii Five-O," the simple, vertical austerity of "#6 Habit of the Sisters of Perpetual Motion" and even the tasteless and hippopotumine "#13 Atlas Shrugged” - colloquially known, I'm told, simply as “Powerball." It was the sheer immensity, however, of "#22 Ice Castles" with it's spires, battlements and minarets reaching toward heaven itself that held me enrapt!


Well, my nieces wedding was that week and I thought it a splendid opportunity to "come out of the closet" about this matter, so to speak. I ordered it secretly from their website and added rush processing. I spent the next two days calling them on the hour making sure it would arrive on time, for the wedding was Sunday and it was already Thursday! Finally on Saturday it arrived! I seized the enormous parcel and rushed into my boudoir, my four precious Borzoi and my six Persians in tow - and locked myself in! It was far heavier than I expected, as the package contained nearly a gallon of lacquer. A few hours after opening the package I had the massive template sprawled out on the double-king bed, and upon fitting it, realized I had not a tenth the hair necessary for this enterprise. I sat upon the bed in a state of frustration and pondered my condition: was I to go to the wedding - tomorrow - in this ordinary bob? I then recalled that L'Keesha, my scrub woman, was fond of hair extensions and may have a few thousand spares, or two. I sped downstairs and caught her in the foyer just as she was just about to leave early, and ordered her to rewash the pots, which I claimed were spotty and filthy as was her state of dress, for which she was duly reprimanded. After several moments of "Miss Patricia this" and "but Miss Plush-Perriman that" I sent her straight to the kitchen! She clumsily left her purse in the foyer providing me with a rifling opportunity! Unfortunately, the purse contained only the clips, even though after counting there were under two-hundred! How cheap! I appropriated them anyway and sped back upstairs and slammed the door! I hoped she spent all night cleaning those pots!


Now in a state of utmost despair, I did as I always do and sat and indulged in a wondrous therapy: brushing the magnificent coats of my prize Borzoi. My eye caught the mocking insolence of the clippers laying about on my vanity - but then I arrived suddenly at a solution as I gazed into the reverent brown eyes of my loving hound, Anastasia. Why I had everything I needed! Without hesitation I snatched up the clippers, whirled round to face my dogs, and went to work! First Anastasia! Then Tatiana! Then Alexei! Then Nickolaus! Oh damn it, I'll do the Persians as well! And the parakeets! After just under an hour I had most of the pets in the house shorn bald, and enough hair to make two Ice Castles! After much work I had the template affixed to my head and full up with hair, began to work the various lacquer pumps with my feet, then, as per the instructions, plugged the template into a convenient wall socket and waited. When the structure had sufficiently hardened the cardboard was far easier to pull off than I had expected: a marvelous feat of engineering! As I gazed in the vanity at the finished product, I pondered the immense sacrifice of my adoring pets - but was dumbstruck at the sixteen cubic foot magnificence of my new Ice Castle, adorned by the bright green feathers of my parakeets - an Uptown touch. I stayed up the remainder of the night fearing that sleep would damage this new capital possession, and as I took the shivering dogs out for their brisk dawn saunter through the lovely azalea strewn gardens of uptown - and with the impudence of unruly servants receding into oblivion - I felt as if every fiber of my being were striving towards the very heavens! Everyone I came across stared at me in a state of consummate envy. The morning zephyrs shook the crepe myrtles and showered me with blossoms! A jasmine breeze held aloft the most perfumed lauds! The periwinkles and daffodils lifted their heads in purest praise as the bluebirds and cardinals sang a whirlwind of exalted blessings round my towering edifice; and even my beloved dogs could not resist gazing with jealousy - as their glorious coats now shared a heavenly estate with the very stars.


Breathless owing to this state of glorious advancement, I returned to my Third street address feeling a refreshment of the spirit as never before! Suddenly, I received a call from my niece who delicately inquired as to the possibility of my bringing the hounds to the reception, as there would be an artist present and her fiancée would have so liked to have a seated portrait done with them on that day. I explained to her such whims were utterly delightful to me, and I would be charmed to indulge such a caprice! Realizing the limousine would be unsuitable to my new hairstyle, I arranged for L'Keesha's man-friend to taxi me to St. Patrick's Cathedral in his pickup-truck. Arriving accompanied by a blaring soundtrack of Usher, I gathered up my four marvelous hounds on their quadruple leash, dismounted the vulgar contraption that had been my escort, ascended the steps of this most glorious construction, and swatted the massive oaken doors with my parasol. As they swung open, there exposed was Father Harrigan, who along with the rest of the congregation, appeared to be in a sudden state of shock. I struck a boastful pose, and after a painfully long silence punctuated by only the pealing of bells, he gasped "Why madam, are you wearing your dogs?" He then wagged his finger at me and had the nerve to lecture me about the Tower of Babel! Outraged, I began to curse and swat him unmercifully, exposing the audacious jealousy of this bald, red-faced, shanty-Irish tub of guts - striking every gin blossom with frightful accuracy as my loyal pets hung from his flailing limbs! Needless to say I was arrested and jailed by the whim of a passing pair of lesbian constables who gravely mistook my station - but treated my hairstyle with generous courtesy.

Well, jail is most unpleasant and I cannot recommend it but I received more useful advice - there were several graduates of Moler Beauty College there - regarding the care of my new fashion in just fourteen hours at this dismal place than I could in ten years of uptown living!

YOU KNOW WHAT'S WONDERFUL?

The talented Asher putting his strong, soft hands on you, and massaging you.

That's wonderful!

Seriously, the dude has a gift. He went to school for this, but more importantly, he's just great at it. Those who he's touched rave about him, and this is YOUR CHANCE to find out why!

...because Asher is AT the Iron Rail, today, Friday, with his actual professional massage chair, giving people massages! Come pay whatver you can-- no amount would be too much-- and let Asher make this ugly stressful day significantly better for you.

Sacco & Vanzetti Memorial BBQ Blockparty

This Sunday 8/23 marks the 82nd anniversary of the execution of Sacco and Vanzetti, two Italian immigrant Anarchists who were very likey convicted of a crime they did not commit.

In their memory, we're drinking, grilling, and dancing in the streets at the Iron Rail!

Free food, good times, cheap drinks! All proceeds to benefit political prisoners via the Anarchist Black Cross Federation.

Tell your family, tell your friends! Everyone wholeheartedly invited.

Sunday 8/23 at 2 pm
the Iron Rail Book Collective
511 Marigny

Show at The Iron Rail on August 14th! 7:30pm.

Larry Bang Bang | Roman de Milk + Wodka | Clementines Psychedelic Salon | Larry's Tattoo Performance

-Larry Bang Bang plays international country/trash/comedy
-Roman de Milk + Wodka is a Swiss artist showing off his pop-brut-art
-Clementines Psychedelic Salon shows off a variety show hosted by Clementine (the saucy and sailor-mouthed cowgirl), that features an eclectic mix of music, storytelling, child-like dream states, inspired moments and of course, divine healings
-Larry's Tattoo Performance is the man with the Driller!

This crazy caravan is invading The Iron Rail (511 Marigny St.) at 7:30pm on August 14th. Come by and check it out!

Our New Books, Records, and other cool stuff

We have been hard at work, pushing paper for the revolution.

-We finally made a new record order after months of delay. So come by and look through the new stuff. You know we keep it cheap, too.

-We have handcrafted reusable menstrual pads made locally and perpetually extremely popular. Awesome!

-We got in a bunch of pins with cool political images and words on them. Come by and get them before they are gone.

-Newly Gotten-In Books (Most are for sale at BELOW COVER PRICE):
Doris: an anthology 1991-2001 by Cindy Crabb
Veganomicon: The Ultimate Vegan Cookbook by Isa Chandra Moskowitz and Terry Hope Romero
On Subbing: The First Four Years
Indestructible by Cristy Road
DIY Screenprinting
Banksy: Wall and Piece
Cunt: A Declaration of Independence by Inga Muscio
Despite Everything: The Cometbus Omnibus by Aaron Cometbus
No More Prisons by William Upski Wimsatt
Chainbraker by Shelley Jackson and Ethan Clark
The Omnivore's Dilemma: A Natural History of Four Meals by Michael Pollan (we also have other books by Pollan)
No Logo: No Space, No Choice, No Jobs by Naomi Klein
Can't Stop Won't Stop: A History of the Hip-Hop Generation by Jeff Chang and D.J. Kool Herc
The Shock Doctrine: The Rise of Disaster Capitalism by Naomi Klein
The Coming Insurrection by The Invisible Committee
The Ethical Slut: A Practical Guide to Polyamory, Open Relationships & Other Adventures by Dossie Easton and Janet W. Hardy
The God Delusion by Richard Dawkins
Letter To A Christian Nation by Sam Harris
Lords of Misrule: Mardi Gras and the Politics of Race in New Orleans
Evasion
Expect Resistance by CrimethInc.
What is Anarchism? by Alexander Berkman
Everything You Ever Wanted To Know About Anarchism, But Were Afraid To Ask...
Color Of Violence: The INCITE! Anthology
Anarchism: A Very Short Introduction by Colin Ward
Situationist International Anthology
Anarchism And Other Essays by Emma Goldman
Anarchism: Arguments For and Against by Albert Meltzer
Hot Damn and Hell Yeah / The Dirty South Vegan Cookbook
Towards Land, Work & Power: Charting A Path Of Resistance To U.S.-Led Imperialism
Kill The Indian, Save The Man: The Genocidal Impact Of American Indian Residential Schools by Ward Churchill
Wild Fermentation: The Flavor, Nutrition, And Craft Of Live-Culture Foods
The Revolution Of Everyday Life by Raoul Vaneigem
Our Enemies In Blue: Police And Power In America by Kristian Williams
The Ego And His Own: The Case Of The Individual Against Authority by Max Stirner
Abolition Democracy: Beyond Empire, Prisons, And Torture by Angela Davis
Dam Nation: Dispatches From The Water Underground
Living My Life: vol 1 by Emma Goldman
Food Not Lawns: How To Turn Your Yard Into A Garden And Your Neighborhood Into A Community
Outlaw Woman: A Memoir of the War Years 1960-1975 by Roxanne Dunbar-Ortiz
No Surrender: Writings From An Anti-Imperialist Political Prisoner by David Gilbert
Dwelling Portably 2000-2008
Disposable Domestics: Immigrant Women Workers In the Global Economy
Settlers: The Mythology Of the White Proletariat
Are Prisons Obsolete? by Angela Davis
Anarchism: A Beginner's Guide
Free Comrades: Anarchism and Homosexuality in the United States
Evil Paradises: Dreamworlds of Neoliberalism by Mike Davis
Songs of the Dead by Derrick Jensen
What We Leave Behind by Derrick Jensen
My Disillusionment In Russia by Emma Goldman

PLUS: we have a $1 book table full of interesting and cool finds.