Officer Tony Coniglione, NOPD - a missed connection (m4m, Marigny)

I must say it's funny how such a small amount of marijuana can land you in so much trouble! But, as I lay in a pool of vomit and urine in the processing center of Orleans Parish Central Lockup watching the seventy inch TV's displaying people even less fortunate than myself and enjoying the symphony of backed up toiletry - you occupied my thoughts the entire time. Perhaps it was your marathon lecture delivered to me as I lay cuffed and stress positioned in the back of your car - coupled with your unassailable reasoning and faultless, Orwellian dialectic; perhaps it was the glistening beads of sweat dripping off the pack-of-hot-dogs-like rolls of flesh on the back of your neck, ruthlessly squeezed between your collar and cap and illuminated by the ghastly strobe of red and blue flashing lights; maybe yet the shocking array of armaments, radios and weaponry festooning your ballooning waist - or perhaps it was just your innate or maybe steroid induced hostility - look, in any case, I find myself very turned on. I was as bored by your partner as you were - I could see it in your eyes (I think?). I guarantee you - it WAS mutual. There's a reason he does all the paperwork - and you do all the talking.

You said you "hated me" for "my shit being all fucked up" - and while it's true that my brake tag, license and registration are expired, my craving for you has no expiration date. The skinny cute west bank boy (and his morbidly obese girlfriend with her constant threatening mentions of Irritable Bowel Syndrome - go figure) in there with me for domestic abuse was only a brief distraction, I assure you - it was nothing. The ninety year old black house painter in there for a traffic citation meant even less.

I realize you might be worried about your figure since you have clearly let yourself go - but don't be. I've never been attracted to plus sized men before but then again I've never been so deftly & handily abused by one either - at least not since Catholic school.

I want to do this again - but I want to do it right this time. Your lecture and subsequent prison sentence has certainly convinced me to "go straight" (well, as far as I can anyway) but I am retaining in my possession a small amount of contraband in order to seduce you yet again. I want the trifecta this time - lecture, beating, AND jail. Let's do this. I've plastered messages all over town in hopes of consummating my lust for your punishing hands!